


Always Darkest Before The Dawn

by eternaleponine



Series: Clexathon 2016 [9]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Snow, Winter Solstice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 17:56:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8926705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternaleponine/pseuds/eternaleponine
Summary: The Thirteen Clans gather together to celebrate making it through another year.  As they wait for dawn on the longest night of the year, they remember the past and dream of the future.





	

Lexa woke first, as she often did, but kept her eyes closed for a little while, just savoring the warmth of Clarke's body against her back. It had been three days since Clarke's return from Arkadia, and nearly a year since _Skaikru_ had become the Thirteenth Clan, and it still felt like a miracle every time she got to wake up beside her. It wasn't something she took for granted; not that she thought Clarke's feelings were likely to change, but everything else around them might, and at a moment's notice. But for now things were calm, peaceful. Everyone was too busy preparing for winter to worry about stirring up trouble. Even _Azgeda_. Maybe especially _Azgeda_. 

But they would be in the city tonight. Delegations from every clan would be. It might have made her restless if she'd been left alone with her thoughts, but she wasn't, so she'd slept long and deep.

When she finally opened her eyes, it was hard to tell what time it was. There was something about the quality of the light... She frowned and very carefully extricated herself from Clarke's arms, putting a pillow in her place so that hopefully Clarke would stay asleep a while longer, and wrapped herself in a robe before padding over to a window.

She looked out, and for a minute she didn't recognize anything... and then she realized what had happened, what was still happening, and her heart leapt. 

"Clarke!" she said, rushing over to the bed and throwing herself down beside her lover again, shaking her gently and pressing a kiss to her ear. " _Ai sadrona,_ " she whispered, "wake up!"

At first there was no response, and then she woke all at once, and Lexa had to move quickly to not have their heads collide as Clarke attempted to sit up, impeded by the fact that Lexa was half on top of her. "What?" she asked, her eyes wide. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Lexa said, leaning in to kiss her gently. "Nothing's wrong. There's just something I want you to see."

Clarke made a sound that was part sigh, part groan. "What is it?" 

"Close your eyes," Lexa said.

Her eyes narrowed, but they didn't close. "First you want me to wake up to see something. Now you want me to close my eyes. Make up your mind!" But her tone was teasing, and she reached out to pull Lexa into another kiss. 

When they finally broke apart, Clarke obediently closed her eyes and let Lexa help her into a robe and lead her to the window. "Okay," she said. "Open them."

Clarke opened her eyes and gasped, and Lexa watched her as she took it all in. The entire city was blanketed white. All sound was muffled, and the light was diffuse. The sun was up somewhere behind the clouds that continued to rain fat flakes down, but it was impossible to tell where.

"Snow," she said. 

" _Sha,_ " Lexa told her, wrapping her arms around her waist and leaning into her. " _Em ste ash daun._ Do you want to go out?"

"Yes," Clarke said. "Yes, of course!"

Lexa grinned, and they went back into their room (and she did think of it as _their_ room, even if Clarke wasn't always there to share it) to bundle up against the cold. They rode the elevator down and found that they were not the only ones who had woken up and noticed that something had happened overnight. 

The Nightbloods had gathered in a pack near the door, ready to make a beeline out into the snow, but they stopped when they saw Lexa. She smiled at them, but held up a hand and dipped her head slightly in Clarke's direction. They waited, not entirely patiently, as Clarke stepped out into the white, immediately turning up her face to let the flakes fall on her skin. Lexa followed her out, wanting to be able to see her face as she experienced this for the first time. 

Clarke finally tipped her head back to its normal position and opened her eyes, and they were brighter than Lexa had ever seen them. "It's beautiful," she said. "Lexa..."

"It is," Lexa agreed. "I wish I could say that I'd arranged this for you, but even the Commander does not hold any sway over the weather."

Clarke grinned, and reached out and took Lexa's hand, squeezing it through the mittens they'd put on. She looked like she was going to say something, but then she just stopped, shook her head, and looked around some more.

"Can I let them loose?" Lexa asked, nodding back to where the Nightbloods still stood, waiting to be told it was all right. They might be in training to be the next Commander, but they were still kids, and snow like this didn't happen all that often. Usually it was an inch or two of slick wet stuff at most. This was enough that it neared Lexa's knees. 

"Oh," Clarke said, like she hadn't even noticed them, and maybe she hadn't. "Yes, of course."

Lexa turned to them and motioned that it was all right for them to come out, and they charged out into the snow, churning the smooth white surface, their shouts bouncing off the walls of nearby building and shattering the silence. 

The sudden noise seemed to break the spell that had been laid over the city, and soon the streets were filled with their usual occupants, and then some. Clarke and Lexa walked hand-in-hand for a while, until they started to see representatives from other Clans, and then Clarke pulled away. Lexa couldn't help feeling it as a rejection, even though she understood. Clarke probably thought that she was protecting them from someone getting it into their head to use her against Lexa. The truth was, though, that everyone already knew that her feelings for the _Skaikru_ ambassador were more than platonic, her concern not just political. 

They knew, had known, almost from the beginning, and possibly even before Clarke had found it in herself to forgive Lexa for her betrayal at the mountain, before she acknowledged that the feelings were not entirely one-sided.

"We should go in," she said. "There is much to prepare for."

Clarke nodded, and when they got back to the tower they stomped the snow from their boots and shook it from their hoods and hair, before making their way to the kitchen for something to eat. Lexa was unsurprised when they were rushed through their meal; there was so much to get done that day, and anyone who wasn't working was in the way. Even the Commander. 

"Tell me again what's happening tonight," Clarke said. "Some kind of ceremony?"

"Yes and no," Lexa said. "It's not that formal." She frowned, trying to think how to explain it. "Tonight is the longest night of the year," she said. "There is more darkness than light, and so we light a bonfire and sit vigil, waiting for the sun's return. When it rises again, we know that the year has turned, and that the days will grow longer from here." 

"Vigil?" Clarke asked. "Just sitting and waiting all night long?"

Lexa smiled. "Sitting and standing and eating and drinking and dancing and talking to those who have come to the city who you haven't seen in a long time," she said. "It's a celebration of living another year, and also a commemoration of those who didn't." She frowned slightly. "You will see that many will cast the cut braids of those they'd loved and lost into the fire. Some will burn other things, anything that they want to let go as the new year begins."

"And all of the Clans attend?"

"Delegations from all of the Clans attend, yes," Lexa said. "It's not meant to be political, but it is." She sighed. "It means tomorrow and the next day and the next there will be meetings and talks and headaches as we all try to decide together in what direction this year will go. Old grievances are laid to rest – hopefully – and we start again. At least that's what's supposed to happen." She smiled wryly. 

"Does it not usually?"

Lexa shrugged. "There's always something. We are all different people. We all need the same things, in the end, but we have different ideas and it's hard, sometimes, to get people to agree."

"If there's anything that I can do to help..." Clarke said. 

"I will tell you," Lexa replied. "Right now, all I really need from you is to know that you're here."

"And that my people aren't going to cause trouble," Clarke said with a wry smile of her own. 

" _Our_ people," Lexa said. 

Clarke tipped her head in acknowledgment, but Lexa wasn't sure she actually believed it, despite everything that had happened over the past year. 

The snow stopped as the sun was sinking, just in time for the bonfire to be lit. The head of each Clan approached, carrying a torch that had been brought from their home and extended it toward the giant pile of wood and kindling, until it caught and began to burn, and a cheer went up from all of those gathered, and then crowd began to splinter as everyone went to partake of whatever activity they most enjoyed. Some would spend the night in quiet contemplation, and some would be loud and raucous. As long as no one fought, as long as no blood was shed, there were no real rules. Politics were supposed to be put aside, but Lexa knew that there would be whispers in the dark, alliances being made, plans being discussed. She couldn't stop it, and she chose instead to let it be a problem for tomorrow.

She scanned the crowd for Clarke but didn't see her. But there, across the fire, was a face that she hadn't thought she would ever see again. But now, with Titus gone...

She dodged between bodies, moving as quickly as she could before the leader of the _Floukru_ could disappear. "Luna!"

"Lexa." 

She was a few years older, just as Lexa was, but she looked largely the same as she had when they'd last seen each other. Lexa stopped short before she actually crashed into her, not sure what kind of welcome she would actually receive. She suddenly felt very young again, like she was facing off against an opponent – the only one – who she knew could best her three times out of four. 

But Luna smiled, and her peaceful, gentle smile hadn't changed at all. She held out her arms, and Lexa fell into them, hugging her tight. "I didn't think I would see you again," she said softly. 

"It's why I came," Luna said. "You are doing great things, _Lexa kom Trikru_. You were always Titus' favorite, and his faith was not misplaced." She paused, then added, "I am sorry for what happened."

"So am I," Lexa said softly, her hand going to her midsection to touch the place where the bullet that had been intended for Clarke had pierced her skin and nearly taken her life. Instead she had taken Titus', and just like with Gustus, it haunted her. But a betrayal like that had to be answered. Sometimes, even now, _jus souda drein jus daun_. Blood must still have blood.

"Where is your Sky Girl?" Luna asked, and Lexa could see the sparkle in her eye. "I assumed she would be with you."

"She is with her people," Lexa said. "I'll see her later."

Luna raised an eyebrow. "She is not a secret," she said. "You don't protect her by pretending that she is."

Lexa blinked. She'd forgotten about Luna's ability to cut right to the core of things with just a few words. 

"You don't still believe what Titus taught us, do you?" Luna asked. "'To be Commander is to be alone.' 'Love is weakness.'" She snorted. "He is – was – a bitter old man, his heart shriveled and dried up. He loved us – you – in his own way, but that doesn't mean that he was right about everything. You tried so hard to believe what he said after what happened to Costia – but here you are again."

Lexa frowned. "I don't know what you are looking to have me say," she told her. 

"Do you love her?"

"Clarke? Yes." What was she getting at?

"Then stop acting as if you shouldn't," Luna said. "Stop acting as if you don't have as much right to happiness and love as anyone else."

"I am not _anyone else_ ," Lexa snapped. " _Ai laik Heda._ " 

Luna pursed her lips. "I cannot tell you what to do," she said. "But allow me to ask you a question." She seemed to take Lexa's silence as permission. "Do you believe in the peace that you have built? Do you believe it can last?"

"Yes," Lexa said. It wouldn't be easy. Nothing was ever easy. But she believed that it was possible.

"Then make your choices based on your hope for the future," Luna said, "not your fear of the past."

Lexa just stared at her, and Luna looked right back at her. They might have stood staring at each other, Luna in quiet challenge and Lexa in dumbfounded realization, had Clarke not found them then. 

She stopped a few paces away, approaching slowly. " _Heda_?"

Lexa tore her gaze from Luna's to look at Clarke, and then – maybe because she'd taken Luna's words as a challenge or maybe just because she knew that she was right – she reached for Clarke's hand. She saw Clarke hesitate, a thousand questions running through her mind that really boiled down to just one: _Are you sure?_

Lexa smiled, and Clarke lowered her eyes, then raised them, an imperceptible nod, and took her hand as she stepped closer. "Clarke," Lexa said, "this is Luna. The leader of the Boat Clan. Luna, this is Clarke _kom Skaikru_ , ambassador of her people... and _ai sadrona_." She could almost feel Clarke's relief that her other title, the one that held the most sway among the Clans, was left off. 

"It is good to meet you," Luna said. 

"You too," Clarke said. 

"You asked once about the ninth novitiate in my Conclave," Lexa said. "You're looking at her."

Clarke blinked. "I thought—"

"I was forced to kill my brother," Luna said. "After that... I made a vow that I would never fight again. Lexa would have been my next opponent. If I had not left – run – one of us would not be standing here." 

"That's..." Clarke shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"It is the way," Luna said. 

"It _was_ the way," Lexa said. "I hope to find another."

"I hope you can," Luna said. "You already made the first step when you did not allow them to hunt me down."

Lexa nodded. "You had no desire to kill me. Who would I be if I let them kill you?" And the truth was, the ones who would have been sent after Luna probably would not have killed her. They would have dragged her back, and made Lexa do it, and if she hadn't been able to... She shivered, and Clarke squeezed her hand. 

"Is Lincoln here?" Luna asked her. "I would like to see him."

"He's with my people," Clarke said, pointing in the direction where the Skaikru delegation was primarily clustered. 

"Thank you," Luna said. She looked at Lexa as if asking permission to go, and Lexa nodded. But before Luna walked away, she embraced her again, and Lexa felt something inside of her unknot. She smiled as Luna went to find Lincoln, and Lexa was once again glad she'd lifted the ban she'd placed on his returning to _Trikru_ lands. 

"Are you all right?" Clarke asked.

"Of course," Lexa said. "It is good to see her. It's been a long time."

Clarke nodded, and they made their way through the crowds, making sure to stop to talk at least briefly with each of the Clans, so that it didn't appear that she was showing favoritism to one over another... although some would interpret Clarke's present at her side as an indicator that she _did_ favor _Skaikru_ over the rest. 

She hoped, though, that most people could see it for what it was – just one person finding comfort and understanding in another person. It wasn't about where they came from, who their people were, or politics of any kind. It was like Luna said; why should she not be allowed to have that like anyone else?

The night wore on, and the fire continued to burn. Children chased through the crowds, playing games that they made up on the spot, and none of them cared what Clan their playmates were from. Children from the Ice Nation played alongside children from the Sky People and the Woods Clan and it didn't matter. Even her Nightbloods were out there, and they were all equal. 

That was the future. She had to believe that.

Things grew quieter as the night drew on, and some people retreated to the warmth of buildings and tents, to sleep if they couldn't make it all the way until dawn, or for other reasons. (The fact that so many Grounder children were born in the fall wasn't not entirely coincidental.) She was exhausted, but she couldn't let herself sleep until morning. 

Still, she could sit, and Clarke sat beside her, threading her arm through Lexa's and huddling against her side as they warmed themselves by the fire. "It feels as if the night will never end," she said. 

"I know," Lexa said. "But look," she pointed to the horizon. "It's starting to lighten."

"If you say so," Clarke said, and when Lexa looked at her she saw that her eyes were closed. 

"Hey," she said. "It's not over yet."

Clarke opened her eyes, turned her head to nuzzle into Lexa's throat, pressed a kiss there that warmed her up more than the fire ever could. "What will we do when it is?" she asked.

"We'll go back to the tower," Lexa told her, "and sleep."

"Just sleep?"

Lexa smiled. "They say that when the dawn comes, the first thing that you do sets the tone for what the rest of the year will be like," she said. 

"Hmm," Clarke said, but nothing more. 

They watched the sky get lighter and lighter, and finally the upper edge of the sun crested over the horizon, making them squint at the sudden brightness, and the cheers were more subdued than the ones at the lighting of the bonfire, but there were cheers nonetheless.

Clarke lifted her head from where it had fallen against Lexa's shoulder again and turned to look at her, lines forming between her eyebrows like she was concentrating, or like there was something she wanted to say or do but she wasn't sure if she could or should say or do it.

"The first thing that you do sets the tone for the rest of the year?" she asked. 

Lexa nodded. "So they say."

Clarke nodded too, and then she reached up to touch Lexa's cheek, her thumb stroking lightly over her skin before she pressed her lips against Lexa's, kissing her softly and then resting her forehead against Lexa's and opening her eyes. 

Lexa blinked, and then slid down from the log they'd been sitting on, not caring as the snow soaked through the knees of her pants as she crouched beside Clarke, taking both of her hands and holding them tightly. "Clarke," she said softly, then closed her eyes, gathering her thoughts and her courage both before opening them again. "Since I met you, I have faced some of the hardest choices I've ever had to make. I've had to ask myself over and over again what was best for my people, and weigh it against the desires of my own heart. We started on opposite sides of a brewing war, and now we stand side-by-side and fight for peace. Every day, we work to change what has been, and shape it into what could be, into the world that we want to see, for our people now, and for all of the generations that come after. And finally, _finally_ we have reached a place where the things that I want, for me, for _us_ , feel possible. _Osir gonplei nou ste odon_. Our fight is not over. And we may not always agree on everything. But I think – I hope – we can agree on this: we are better together than we are apart. What we have – our love – is not a weakness. It is the strength that carries us each day, even when we cannot be together. It is our light, and our hope. It's proof that peace is possible, and understanding, and I don't want to hide that anymore. I don't want to be afraid anymore."

"What are you saying?" Clarke asked. 

" _Clarke kom Skaikru, yu na ste ain houmon?_ "

Clarke's eyes widened, and Lexa knew that she understood, but also could see that Clarke was sure that she wasn't understanding, that somehow she was putting the words together wrong. So she repeated herself, to make sure that there could be no confusion.

"Clarke of the Sky People," she said, "will you be my wife?"

For a second Clarke just stared at her, and then finally, slowly, she nodded. "Yes," she said. "Yes, Lexa, yes." And she pulled her hands from Lexa's and moved to throw them around her, but Lexa's balance was off and they toppled back into the snow, tangled and laughing, and if there were tears neither of them commented.

When they finally stood up and brushed themselves off, they found that they had an audience. Lexa's cheeks flamed, but she refused to look away from anyone who stared. She looked from one set of eyes to the next to the next, and then, in front of everyone, in defiance of everything she'd been taught in words and deeds, she kissed the woman she loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Although Christmas may not have survived the apocalypse, I thought that maybe the celebration of the winter solstice would make a comeback in a world where every little bit of light that can be found is precious. Technically the solstice isn't until tomorrow, but since that's a regular chapter day, I decided I would post it today.


End file.
